Joani Plenty

As I sit here staring at my computer screen with half a smile on my face, I take a deep breath. All that I can think about is not the negativity that has been creatively dished to me but what I am going to do from this day forward so that I never live a life that would have me serving this type of hate.

I’ve been living my dream and, almost overnight, sledding down a hill of motivation and positivity for several months now. I’ve been “sledding” before but the bottom of the hill was always in view; from the very beginning, while mounting the sled, it was there smirking at me to let me know that the enjoyment will be short lived. But this time was different. This time there was no end in site. The crisp white snow ahead was infinite and seemed prepared like a well groomed golf course. The ride was over an open wide space with minimal trees. Trees which were not blocks or difficulties but, instead, slight protection whether needed or not. This allowed a ride without fear of stumbling…stumbling upon obstacles. Clear of fundamental branches and twigs, free of “throwing-stones” that scraped the paint from my sled.

Yup, this ride was different. No one calling my name. No hunger or thirst. Everything that I needed seemed to be right where I needed it to be and if it wasn’t, there was no worry or doubt that it wouldn’t appear when the time was right.

It’s night time but the moon seems to be shining a path just for me. A circular, continuous, life-long path of repeat; occasionally bringing me back to the beginning spot. A spot not to start over but the start of a new project; a new thrilling ride. Every hill was a favorite. When something would appear as a sure ride stopper, my sled would swiftly maneuver itself as if magically steered by a higher power…this was bigger than me.

I sometimes thought about the others…whose ride did come to an end, continually start and then end or creek like old floor-boards while teetering but never leaving the top of the hill. Do I wait for them? Do I feel sorry for them? Do I downplay the excitement of my great ride to make them feel better about their accomplishments or lack there of? Maybe. Once…maybe twice. But then less time is spent creating, dream catching, and hustling. My time. Time is fair, it waits for no one which means that I have just as much time as they do. Do I spend it worrying about how someone else feels about my success? Regardless of how big or small, success is success is success. It’s much easier to dismiss, even patronize, someone else’s fortune than to create your own. To wish with fingers crossed and eyes tightly shut that my sled would malfunction or that it was me, waiting for a turn to sail effortlessly down the path, instead of them. Standing on the highest hill yelling just about anything to distract me from my ride. But like I said, a higher power took over the rope-like reign a long time ago.

I’ve dragged this same sled to this same hill for years knowing that I was cutout for this jaunt. Instead, I allowed others, hence, myself, to minimize my talents and build up my doubts like a snow drift piled against a wall with nowhere else to go. To tell me that my head was in the clouds because life doesn’t work that way. There are no magical sleds, no limitless hills, no feeling of complete happiness because “all good things must come to an end”.

It wasn’t until I tried something different, decided not to allow jaundiced thinking to cloud my vision, that I realized my thinking is the correct way of thinking…for me. Whatever it takes to live a truly happy life for me is what I just needed to do. It’s as simple as that. I just needed to do. I was doing a disservice to myself and others, especially those who loved me most and knew that I was destined for my own kind of greatness. I’ve been hated, I’ve been rated, but these actions come to the surface mostly when I’ve “made it”.

Naysayers do serve a purpose. Without them, it may not be possible to truly know how great you are. Greatness is in all of us it’s just that some of us are unable to see it and more importantly, feel it. Instead of over analyzing a “hater’s” every word and feeling bad, empathize…feel sorry for them because they sled uphill by choice. They are people who, unlike you, don’t know how to recognize or create their own happiness so they go through life with a half empty glass. They are wonderful teachers and mentors…on what not to do. Defeatists help us treat others better because we know first hand how it feels to receive a negative, because of a positive. Trust that they do not feel any better after slapping you with their thought-out/well calculated words of envy and sadness.

Going forward, I will control any feelings of jealousy that I may have (as they are normal). I will not allow anyone to live in my head “rent-free”. I will be understanding of others’ actions and toxic words. I will continue to go out of my way to uplift those working hard towards their goals and dreams because there are more of “us” than there are of “them”.

As I stare at my computer screen I take another deep breath. A breath that I initially took to release the feelings of anxiety and disbelief, I now take-in with a full smile on my face. It’s a smile of calmness. The calm before the storm. The snow storm that is the start of my purposely productive day tomorrow; life forever. My sled and I are ready. We want action and we want it now!

I hope your sled soon has a life of its own, allowing you to take that incessant snow ride. I hope that you smile, with your arms over your head and permanent tingle in your stomach.

That’s my wish for you; my misanthrope.